Why Advocacy Is Not a Popularity Contest

As kids head back to school, many parents and caregivers will be rolling up their sleeves and advocating for the supports their child needs and deserves. While some of us are seasoned veterans when it comes to advocacy, I know it doesn’t come easy to everyone.

Advocating for your child, or any child, can be frustrating, lonely and overwhelming. It can also cause friction with family members, educators and even friends.

Here’s the thing – advocacy is not a popularity contest.

I recently had a conversion with another parent about my frustrations with our local school district that has a pathetic 56% graduation rate for students with disabilities and complex needs. I shared how discouraging it is sending my child to a school system while knowing they have just better than a 50/50 chance of graduating.

This is the same school system that said they weren’t able to teach my child to read (in Grade 4!) because they just didn’t have the time and resources. The result - I have to pull my child from school one morning a week, drive them to another town, and pay out of pocket for a private tutor. An expensive and timely process that many families are unable to do – which means kids needing extra support just fall further behind.

As I was sharing my frustration, the parent told me I had too high of expectations. Then, in the next breath, she said I should do more to raise awareness. When I explained I’ve presented to the provincial finance committee, been interviewed on the radio and created a Parents for Inclusive Education committee, she just rolled her eyes.

I’m sure many of you can relate to this story. How, as advocates, we’re either seen as too pushy or not doing enough. The focus is more on how your advocacy inconveniences people or makes them feel uncomfortable versus focusing on the needs of the child.

Somewhere along the way, the children who need the help and support the most have been forgotten. Egos, personalities, and the desire to not rock the boat all get in the way.

Time to rock the boat

As a mom who is passionate about kids with disabilities and complex needs getting the supports required to live their best lives, whatever that looks like, I’m going to continue to advocate.

And I know that advocacy is not a popularity contest.

I’d rather have my child graduate and gain the tools needed to go from surviving to thriving than worrying about stepping on toes, making people uncomfortable or accepting the status quo.

This doesn’t mean I’m looking for a fight. Rather, I’m willing to lean into tough conversations, ask the questions that need to be asked and challenge the answers when they just don’t make sense or aren’t in the best interest of children.

It also means I’m willing to lose some “friends” along the way.

Because at the end of the day, my child deserves an education, not excuses.

Some of you reading this article may be cheering me on while others are rolling their eyes thinking, oh she’s that parent.

Both of you would be correct. I’m ready to do what’s necessary while embracing the label that parent.

Advocacy is not a popularity contest but an exercise in ensuring ALL voices are heard and the spotlight is shone on the needs of individuals who are often left in the dark.

For each of you who will be advocacy for children who need extra supports this school year, know you’re not alone. And for every negative comment or eye rolling you get, know there’s a group of passionate people who are committed to helping ensure all kids have access to quality education, regardless of their abilities.

I’ll be wearing my That Parent t-shirt proudly while I advocate for not only my child, but other kids who are often forgotten.