Curiosity Comes at a Cost: The Hidden Exhaustion of Being a Service Dog Handler
/For the last few weeks, I’ve been caring for my child’s service dog while they’re in hospital. I’ve taken over the handler duties – taking him for walks, having him stay with me at a home for families near the hospital and bringing him to visit her each day (with his service dog vest on).
What I’ve discovered is the significant amount of public interest, and even interference, service handlers face each and every time they leave the house. It is exhausting!
In case you don’t read this whole article (but I hope you do) here’s some simple advice of what not to do if you encounter a service dog and handler.
Don’t pet any random dog - but especially one wearing a service dog vest
Don’t make kissing noises, say here puppy or otherwise try to engage - these are working animals who need to focus on their job
Don’t ask what the service dog is for - people have a right to keep their health details private
Don’t ask the handler a million questions- what breed, how old, their name and more.
Best advice - treat the service dog like a mobility aid. You wouldn’t try to strike up a conversation about a wheelchair. Yes, I know the dog is cute, but he has an important job to do. And I need to stick to the training even when he’s not with his handler so he can continue to support them when they’re released.
Working animal
Before I go on my rant about my frustrating experiences (yes, a rant is coming), I need to be clear I’m talking about a fully licensed and trained service dog who serves a specific purpose(s). I’m not talking about a family pet that someone has slapped an Amazon vest on or an emotional support animal or therapy animal.
Rather, I’m talking about a highly trained dog who plays an important role in supporting his/her handler. In the province where I live, service dogs go through a rigorous process to be certified and are tested every two years to retain their certification. They carry government issued ID and have full public access rights.
They are not family pets (although when they’re off duty they’re definitely dogs). When you see a true service dog in action, there’s no doubt they’re at work, focused on their handler.
Unwanted conversations
Now on to my rant. As mentioned, these are working animals with an important job to do. What that job is varies from handler to handler, based on their specific needs. What is common is they need to stay focused. And many times, the handler is navigating a disability that also requires their focus.
This is why the unsolicited questions and conversations start to become annoying. While I appreciate that you have a dog at home, think the dog is cute or just want to say hi, each interaction adds up and takes valuable energy.
It’s funny – when my child is in their wheelchair, no one ever comes up and asks questions about where they got it, how long they’ve had it for, the make or model, or why they need it. Rather, they see a person in a wheelchair and just let them pass by.
A service dog is often a mobility aid (even when the handler doesn’t have mobility issues), helping a person navigate their surroundings, similar to a walker or wheelchair. While yes, they have fur and are cute, their job is no less important.
In the few weeks I’ve been caring for my child’s service dog, I have had hundreds of people stop and try to talk to me, asking their questions. Again, each interaction adds up, taking time and energy. All this while I’m rushing to meet the doctor, or while I’m on the verge of tears.
Admittedly I’ve started walking away from these interactions. Not out of rudeness but self-sustainability. I only have so many spoons in a day, and these “harmless” conversations can quickly deplete me of my spoons.
No touching!
This is my biggest irk – people who reach down to pet the dog in line ups or in elevators. This despite the vest that reads – Medical Alert Dog. IGNORE ME.
When I ask people to please not touch him as he’s working, I often get – but he’s so cute, I just couldn’t resist.
Here’s the thing about ANY dog. It’s never a good idea as a stranger to stick your hand in their face or touch them without asking. Dogs, even service dogs, can react negatively to unexpected touching.
Think about it. Imagine standing in a grocery store lineup and someone just started touching you. You’d likely be startled and may react negatively.
Again, this is just common sense with any dog. Period. Please keep your hands to yourself.
Personal information
Other questions I often get are – what’s he trained for and what’s the medical condition (often with guesses that include ableism language like you don’t look like you have a disability).
Depending on the day, and my patience level, I respond with anything from he’s a medical service dog or, when my spoons are depleted, a person’s medical condition is private information.
Again, I wouldn’t think of asking someone why they’re in a wheelchair. Same with a service dog – it’s not your business why someone needs a service animal. And if it’s a true service dog, fully trained, it’s likely supporting a number of conditions – which are often invisible.
I appreciate that people are curious. But imagine going through life with people asking you about your medical condition each and every day.
Privacy vs education
My final comment (as really, I could rant all day) is balancing privacy vs public education. When I posted about my experience on my Facebook page, someone commented that I shouldn’t be rude and kept walking but rather take the time to educate people about service dogs.
I get it. But really, is it the handler’s job to educate people on disability supports while trying to navigate life with a disability? Definitely not.
Again, let me stress how many times these interactions can happen in a day. To the point where I’ve completely lost count and have absolutely no problem ignoring people and continuing on my way. Otherwise, I could easily add an hour to my day just talking to strangers.
Going back to my spoons, and the spoons of service dog handlers, I need to preserve what limited spoons I have left for the tasks I need to complete vs using the spoons educating complete strangers.
This experience has definitely shown me that there needs to be more public education about service dogs, the various roles they play and the importance of giving them space – emotionally and physically. But is that the role of the person with the disability? Nope.
I will end my rant by saying I hope this has helped you think about service dogs, and their handlers, differently. If you do ask to pet their dog, bombard them with questions or make annoying kissing noises, now you’ll know why the handler simply walked away vs engaging with you. But I know if you’ve read this far, I expect you’re committed to learning and supporting these important working animals.
Please share what you’ve learned with others so service dog handlers can carry on with their day vs having to also be public educators.
