Why Talking About Mental Health is Easier Than Supporting It

For all the talk about supporting mental health, the reality is that the on the ground resources are lacking as are the emotional supports for individuals and families who are struggling.

Sadly, this is a truth that I’ve learned over and over again trying to navigate mental health challenges as a parent of child who is struggling.

When our journey first began, I naively thought that help would be readily available – from the school and in the community. I was sorely mistaken.

While our (former) school prides itself on being a stigma free environment, we quickly learned that doesn’t extend to mental health. Despite assemblies talking about the importance of strategies to support students’ mental health, talking about mental health is much more comfortable than actually supporting a student and family in crisis.

I wish our experience was unique to our family. But in our journey we’ve connected with other families from different schools, different cities and even different countries who’ve also found themselves cast aside.

Uncomfortable conversation

While I can’t definitively say why our, and other schools, are fine with talking about mental health but shy away from offering any meaningful supports, I think it comes down to people not wanting to have uncomfortable conversations.

I’ve said many times that if my child had a more socially acceptable medical condition, we likely would have had empathy, flexibility and strategies to help my child continue to learn in a way that met their needs. Instead, we were met with empty promises, evasive answers and ultimately a closed door.

When we had to make the difficult decision to pull our child from school, we were abruptly ghosted. Emails went unanswered. Our child’s photo was pulled from the yearbook. Our family was shut out.

I later learned that when a staff member asked leadership if anything was being done to reach out to our family, the answer was – “Why would we? They didn’t leave due a medical issue?” This despite having a letter from a doctor stating mental health as the reason for leaving school.

Stigma vs acceptance

In my work as a corporate trainer, I work with a wide range of organizations in developing and delivering training for staff teams. Often, when I bring up mental health, I’m met with an uncomfortable silence.

I recently had one client say “Mental health is something our organization talks about a lot on a superficial level, but the work culture isn’t one that supports any meaningful discussion. It’s probably best we do not bring up mental health.”

I was gobsmacked. Especially since this was a school board with thousands of employees, all whose job it was to support children and youth.

If mental health was a taboo subject in corporate training, I shudder to think about how students who are struggling are supported within their schools.

I suspect they are likely shut out and left to find resources on their own. As was the case with our family.

Break the silence

Throughout our journey I’ve been surprised by the profound silence from other families sharing their mental health experience. While I appreciate the details are highly personal, and there are many reasons for the silence, it furthers the sense of isolation for those of us navigating the rollercoaster and hunting for scarce resources.

The silence also plays a powerful role in ensuring others remain silent.  

I get it. I’ve been reluctant to share the extent of our journey based upon the response I’ve received from those I have confided in. Just like our school, friends and family have been shockingly absent from our lives.

Too often when I’ve shared our reality, the walls have gone up and what had once been a supportive family member or friend has suddenly become less and less available. Weeks can go by without hearing from anyone, furthering my family’s isolation.

I know that not everyone feels comfortable talking about mental health. But even a simple text saying “I’m thinking about you” can make the world of difference.

A slow change

Now almost a year into our mental health rollercoaster, not much has changed. We still scramble to find crumbs of support, hobble together learning resources and run on little energy and sleep.

While I hold out hope that society will recognize the importance of supporting people struggling with mental health in a meaningful way, I know that change can be slow. And for change to happen, we need to see these individuals as human beings who are worthy of being helped, instead of just a statistic.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. You are one of the few individuals who’s committed to being an ally. Or maybe you’re still reading because you’ve been on this journey and know the challenges first-hand.

Whatever the reason, we need to continue shining the light on an uncomfortable topic, sharing our stories and advocating for amazing human beings who deserve the compassion, love and supports to help them in their own unique way.