Why I’m Embracing a Structure Free Summer for My Child

We’ve finally made it to the end of the school year with two months of summer ahead of us. While some parents rush to sign their kids up for camps, activities and outings to fill the days, I’m embracing the free space.

As mom of an autistic child, the school year is tough! It’s full of hurdles to navigate from sun up to sundown. Mornings are a mix of picking out the right clothes (will this shirt bug him today), finding a breakfast he will eat (yesterday’s favourite is a no-go today) and getting out the door at a reasonable time (I’ve long given up on trying to be punctual).

Then there’s the school pick-up – trying to get an exhausted child to the car. Once we’re home, it’s a quick snack before he recharges his batteries by watching YouTube and playing Minecraft. After an early dinner, there’s the challenging bedtime routine to try to get him to unplug for another full day.

By the time summer rolls around we’re all emotionally and physically exhausted. There’s no mental capacity left to schedule more activities.

Embracing a structure free summer gives us all the break we so desperately need.

Time to rest

If you’re raising a child with a disability, you know how extra exhausting the end of the school year can be with field trips, wrap up projects and change of routine. While many students love the excitement of June fun days, my child hates them. The extra noise, smells, sights and change in routine often results in deregulation or even full-blown meltdowns.

Most Junes I’m called to the school at least once a week for either early pick-ups or heads up that my child is napping (due to sensory overload) or approaching a meltdown. I’ve come to expect these calls and purposely try to hold all my work meetings in the mornings so I’m on standby for the anticipated mid-day phone calls.

Following the overwhelming June, I’ve learned the importance of giving my child time to rest and recharge over the summer months.

This means scheduling zero activities for the first two weeks of the summer and having no expectations whatsoever. I let me child create his own rhythms (while still encouraging technology breaks and providing healthy food and exercise options).  

The result – the first week involved many mid-day naps. Free of the demands of school, he was able to fully rest. I’ve also seen an increase in appetite and decrease in anxiety.

Little inclusive options

Living in a rural community, there are very few inclusive summer activities. So even if we wanted to sign our child up for activities, the options are extremely limited.

Instead of trying to get him to participate in a community program, led by teenagers with little to no autism experience, he’s going to one week of a Community Living day camp. This is at the end of the summer to help ease the transition back into school time routines.

Knowing he could easily spend 12-hours a day on technology, we insert small outings or activities that he enjoys throughout the week. Whether it’s a swim in the pool, jumping on the trampoline or having his friend over for a gaming day (at least it’s interactive technology), it’s led by his interest.

I know this isn’t possible for many parents who have jobs outside of the home. I’m blessed to be self-employed, having the flexibility to work from home.

Gearing up for fall

September is a big transition for us as our son heads to high school. Like any huge changes, lots of front loading is needed. By giving our child time to rest over the summer, we’re hoping it will help smooth out some of the bumps. Not all, but some.

Scrolling on Facebook I see all the summer activities friends have planned for their kids. Sleepover camps, road trips, speciality camps and more. While a part of me is sad that my child will miss out on these experiences, I know they would cause stress instead of bringing joy.  

While we might not have an Instagram perfect summer, it’s the summer my child, and my family, needs to have the energy to take on a new school year.  

If you’re raising a child who prefers home comforts over adventures, know you aren’t alone. Try to tune out the summer adventures of others on social media and embrace your own journey. You know your child best.